is it the end yet?
Jan. 10th, 2011 10:12 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
cynicalism.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
happy_ironyi forgot about archiving this place again and was going to just stop because i no longer feel that odd urge to preserve my words (many of these remaining bits are just not worth it) but. well. it was so close to being over i thought, why not?
in some kind of chronological order, maybe. starting from about spring 2007 - winter 2008, probably? ellipses added where the writing breaks off.
and yes--i think that is about it.
well, maybe.
"Good news! You are going to debut!" Johnny-san says in that peculiar and succinct manner of his. There is a squeak from the general direction of Uchi and Ryo.
Yamapi doesn't seem too pleased, probably imagined debuting with Toma, Hasegawa, and Kazama. He's a little awkward, but he quickly takes up his role as leader and smiles shyly to the rest of his bandmates, "Well, maybe we should go have dinner to celebrate?"
Truth be told Tegoshi still feels rather uncomfortable with most of the members of NewS. Not that they aren't all amazing people, but Tegoshi is still new and awfully shy and isn't quite used to being around such respected seniors. He's a little more comfortable with the--former--members of KKK with their weekly appearance on YA3 but as nice as they are, they've already formed a rather tight bond that Tegoshi isn't a part of. But Tegoshi is comforted by the fact that at least Massu is with him, at least Massu will be there. Because out of everyone in NewS, heck, everyone in Jyanni's, Massu is the one he's known for the longest and feels the most comfortable around. Yes, at the very least, Massu will be there.
"Sorry, tell the other I can't go." Massu's voice interrupts Tegoshi's inner monologue.
"E-eh?" Tegoshi asks unintelligibly as he watches Massu click his phone shut.
"My mom already cooked." He says, looking slightly apologetic,
...
"Do you want to come over for dinner?"
...
Tegoshi has never understood the expression "getting up on the wrong side of the bed," not really. He's always naturally assumed that everyone in the world had their beds placed against the wall, just like him. And if that is the case, then surely there is only ever one side of the bed to "get up" on. Even though he could understand the metaphor for what it was supposed to mean, Tegoshi just doesn't get why they happened to choose this particular way of phrasing it.
But today, as Tegoshi gets up, brushes his teeth, styles his hair, and has breakfast before heading off to work as usual, he finally seems to understand. Because today, for some reason unbeknownst to him, Tegoshi is feeling quite awful. Ridiculously so. Almost as ridiculous as the notion that one could get up on a wrong side of a bed.
It isn't awful so much as in the way one might feel when sick, though. That Tegoshi would understand. It's something he can't quite describe. Like some dreadful gnawing feeling, twisting and turning inside of him until even his head actually begins to physically hurt. In short, Tegoshi is not happy.
And it doesn't help that he has to go to work at such an ungodly hour, either.
-
Tegoshi enters the dressing room and nods at a sleepy grunt aimed his way by Ryo, who is currently trying to look both awake and fearsome and not quite succeeding at either. Koyama blinks sleepily from the couch, where Shige is leaning against him, dead asleep. None of them seem to have woken up on the right side of the bed--and this, for some odd reason, pleases Tegoshi. Because no one should feel so happy when Tegoshi is not happy. Especially at nearly six freaking am in the morning. It's petty reasoning, really, but Tegoshi doesn't find it in him to care very much.
The door opens ten minutes later, just as Tegoshi is placing down his bags and Massu enters with a big grin plastered on his face and a bag of steaming nikuman.
"You're four minutes to almost being late." Ryo growls as Massu passes by him.
"Or I'm four minutes to right on time," Massu says cheerfully, offering the Osaka man the bag, "nikuman?"
Ryo blinks and frowns but takes the offered treat anyway, having been unable to eat anything before catching the bullet train.
...
"Nikuman?" Massu asks, smiling through a mouthful of the snack. Tegoshi twitches, glares, and storms off towards the bathroom, slamming the door for good measure. The noise makes Shige bolt awake, causing Koyama to tumble off the couch and Ryo to snort with amusement. Shige blinks, assesses the situation in all of five seconds, and then gives Massu an accusing glance.
"What did you do?"
Tegoshi can't hear Massu's reply through the closed door, but figures that he's most likely smiling.
Bastard.
-
Yamapi enters an hour later as the rest of them are stretching, having an excuse to be late since he has drama filming right before and right after this practice. Tegoshi thinks Yamapi is amazing for his total dedication to both his singing and acting career. Tegoshi also thinks that something is positively off with their dance. And Tegoshi thinks that it's probably him just as he trips over his own feet and collides into Ryo, who stumbles into Yamapi, who knocks Koyama over, until they're all a jumble of limbs lying on top of Shige, who had the unfortunate pleasure of breaking their fall.
Shige sighs at his bad luck, or would, if he could breathe at all. Massu coughs from where he has been observing from the side.
"Maybe a break is in order?" Massu asks with a laugh.
"That sounds like a good idea." Ryo grunts painfully, as someone's knee is currently digging into his spine. Yamapi nods in agreement and begins to disentangle himself from 5/6 of NewS. Koyama wonders aloud if this could count as some sort of member ai. Shige manages enough strength to hit him--with someone else's arm. When NewS finally becomes six individuals again--as opposed to one individual and a blob of boy band pretty--Tegoshi escapes to a corner of the room and sits with his knees to his chest, eyes closed and hands over his face. Even if he's not feeling up to par, Tegoshi can't let it affect his work--he's too much of a professional for that. He's about to get up and practice a bit on his own before the break ends when there's a sudden cold pressure on his forehead. Tegoshi opens his eyes and comes face to face with Massu's smile.
Massu dangles the cold water bottle in front of Tegoshi's face. It's a familiar gesture, something that Massu usually does when he thinks that Tegoshi is upset. Usually it's enough to make Tegoshi feel better. But today Tegoshi just kind of wants to hit him, but restrains himself if only for the fact that Tegoshi is certain he knows who'll come out worse off in the end. And that person isn't smiling right now.
...
"You can't be happy all the time." Tegoshi finally snaps, hands balled at his sides and fingernails digging deep into his palms. Massu looks startled for a moment, before nodding.
"You're right, I'm not happy all the time." And his voice is so calm that Tegoshi staggers back a little, ashamed and guilt ridden. Massu steps forward, pursing his lips slightly.
"I'm not happy when Tegoshi's not happy," he says gently, lifting the other boy's chin to look straight into his eyes, "so tell me what's wrong."
And Tegoshi doesn't even realize he's crying until he feels Massu wipe at his cheek with his thumb. He looks at Massu through now blurry eyes to find him unsmiling, but not exactly frowning, lips set in a soft line. And this realization makes Tegoshi cry even harder, tears rolling down his cheeks
He launches himself forward, straight into Massu's unexpecting arms. Massu is surprised first, before bringing his arms around the younger boy and rubbing soothing circles on his back. And Tegoshi continues to cry into Massu's chest, asking how they could do that to Uchi and Kusano and what will happen to NewS now and can this really be their last concert as a group and will they ever reform and Massu continues to rub Tegoshi's back, though he can't quite catch the words muffled in his shirt.
...
Yes, it was inspired by that Avril Lavigne song. (I blame Cartoon KAT-TUN.)
It's hard when your best friend of so many years gets himself a girlfriend and doesn't have as much time to spend with you.
It's probably harder when you're probably in love with said best friend too.
It's even worse when you're both boys.
And this is the predicament is exactly where Tegoshi Yuya found himself in.
...
"I don't like your girlfriend."
...
It's been twelve days since Massu last saw Tegoshi--not that he was counting, of course not.
...
"You're not happy." Eri says suddenly, causing Massu to choke on his drink.
"E-eh?" He glances up sharply at her but she avoids his gaze, staring at a spot on the table while aimlessly twirling her straw between her fingers.
"You haven't been happy in a long time." She says again, this time very softly.
"What do you mean?" He asks, frowning at her strange behavior, "Of course I'm happy, I'm with y--"
"Takahisa," she raises her eyes to finally meet his, "I know what I'm saying is correct. Because Takahisa is the person I hold closest to my heart right now...and because of that I know that I'm not and can never be the same person for you."
"Eri."
...
"Are we breaking up?" he asks finally, a dull buzz in his heart.
...
"I really do like you." He says softly, curling his hands on the table.
"I know," she smiles sadly, "but that just makes it hurts a little more."
They finish their drinks in silence and split the check. When it's time to leave they part in front of the cafe, despite Massu's offer to walk her home--which she declines very politely. She leaves him with a sad smile and a slight wave before turning on her way home. Massu watches until she's barely recognizable, a bittersweet emptiness in his heart.
-
There is a knock at Tegoshi's door--three sharp raps against hard wood. Tegoshi rolls his eyes as he looks up from his homework, the noise still audible through the music pounding through his headphones.
"I said I wasn't hungry right now, mom!" he yells before going back to work, turning the volume up higher and frowning in dismay when he realizes that it's already on full. The knocks continue, harder and almost frantic. Tegoshi sighs before taking off his headphones and rolling off his bed to unlock and open the door.
"I said--" he pauses and blinks and wonders when he fell asleep when he sees Massu standing in the doorway, looking lost and blank.
"M-Massu?" he asks cautiously, pinching himself for good measure to make sure that he's awake. The other boy nods and Tegoshi can't help but blink again, before he remembers that he's not--or shouldn't be--happy to see Massu. Not at all, not even one bit.
"Where's Eri?" He asks, almost keeping all the bitterness out of his voice.
"We broke up."
"Oh," Tegoshi falters, not expecting such a revelation. "I'm sorry." He says, even though they both know he's really not.
"So now what?" Tegoshi asks after a moment--neither he nor Massu has moved since the beginning.
"I don't know." Massu says, bringing his tired eyes to meet Tegoshi's finally.
...
So Tegoshi does the only thing he can think to do and brings his arms around the older boys shoulders, bringing him into a tight embrace.
...
"Aren't you tired?" Massu blurts out, startled.
"Aren't you," Tegoshi replies calmly. And there's something so heavy in his gaze that Massu can't keep it, turns his head and mutters about needing a shower.
When he comes out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, the lights are off. Massu stumbles into bed and falls into an exhausted sleep.
...
And when Tegoshi leans in and presses his mouth lightly against his, Massu does what he does best.
He runs.
Steps back and shakes his head, one foot in front of the other, out the door, out the hotel, into the stifling cold of the night and past past past everything and everyone till everything's just a blur and Massu runs and keeps running until he can hardly even stand.
He collapses onto the grass, hardly aware of anything except the numbness in his legs and his chest. He shuts his eyes and hates it that he can still taste cherry on his tongue.
...
"Did you hate it?"
"...No."
"Then what are you running from?"
"I--don't know."
"Then maybe you should stop running."
"I'm not running anymore, am I."
"No, no you're not."
...
Massu doesn't know exactly when it is he realizes that he's fallen in love with Tegoshi. He doesn't think such a thing can be traced to one specific event, one specific circumstance, really. But Massu figures that it probably happened sometime between Miso Soup and Hoshi wo Mezashite. The realization, anyway. The actual falling in love part had probably taken place much earlier, somewhere inbetween "Massu" and the crooked teeth and the bad hair and worse clothes and when smiling upon just the sight of Tegoshi had become reflex.
But he finds he's not altogether too surprised at the realization either, not really. After all,
...
Massu's not too surprised when Shige finds out about his feelings; Shige's always been the smart one, after all. Though, he muses, it probably wasn't all that hard to figure out. Massu tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, emotions painted across his face as clear as the sky is blue. It's why he probably doesn't get too much drama work. But Massu thinks everyone in the group probably knows, or at least suspects, something. Everyone except Tegoshi. Self-centered with no ill intentions indeed. But it's okay, because Tegoshi wouldn't be Tegoshi otherwise. And Massu wouldn't have Tegoshi any other way.
Massu is surprised, however, when Shige says something about it. Shige, the one that usually
"Don't you ever wish it was something more?" Shige blurts out suddenly when it's just the two of them lazing around Massu's room. Massu, unsure of the context, only blinks in response.
"Huh?"
"Tegoshi."
"What about him?"
Shige sighs. "You love him?"
"Oh." Massu pauses."Yeah."
...
"Shige yelled at me today," Tegoshi says, swinging his legs absently off the edge of Massu's bed. Massu "hms" lightly, flicking through the pages of the magazine in his hands, leaning his back against the wall.
"What, he didn't like your latest rendition of Shige no Namida?"
"That too," Tegoshi giggles softly. "He said that I--should stop being such a
...
Actually--I think this is finished. Hm.
Massu sees a lot of things.
He sees contempt written all over Ryo's face everytime NewS is together--it's fleeting and almost indistinguishable from the regular facade he likes to put up when in the presence of NewS, but it's there as clear as daylight in Massu's eyes. It's been there since the formation of NewS, really. Because Ryo has Kanjani8, has had them from the beginning, before Johnny-san had decided to create--and debut--NewS on a whim. Ryo is happier with Kanjani8, this is also very clear to Massu. Despite what he says these days, Kanjani8 has and always will be first in his heart, it's obvious in the way he acts--or doesn't have to act so hard with them. And it's understandable, time breeds familiarity, familiarity breeds comfort. Uchi had been comfortable. Uchi had been the reason Ryo had stopped hating NewS--started liking it, even. Then Uchi had gotten suspended, and Ryo had been left with not one, but two incomplete groups. Massu thinks that the contempt isn't really directed at NewS though, it's directed at himself. Because maybe, just maybe, Ryo might have been able to stop it from happening.
Yamapi is in the same boat in some respects, except what Massu sees on his face is more akin to regret--or maybe fear. Yamapi is basically the poster boy for Johnny's Entertainment. He had been with The Shounen Club from it's very first episode, back when he had been in Four Tops with Toma, Jun, and Shunsuke. It's no secret that Yamapi could not possibly have been pleased witht he conception of NewS. As a temporary group, maybe, but when they had debuted and Yamapi was in NewS for good, Four Tops had indefinitely crumbled. Because despite his protests, Yamapi had been the pillar of Four Tops, the leader, and what kind of leader abandons his group? It's why, Massu thinks, that even though Yamapi puts on the air of being the leader of NewS, he never actually permits himself any sort of power. He's too afraid of leading them astray, too afraid of ruining yet another group.
Tegoshi's the easiest to see through, despite the fact that he can act so well--or perhaps because of that very fact. It's because he had only been a junior for a few months before getting pushed into the limelight. Yes, he had the talent, but he hadn't had the time, because time breeds comfort. NewS's own members were not the only ones that had been upset by the sudden formation--the fans had been too. How could Johnny-san pick apart thre beloved groups and form a new group so haphazardly? How could this boy that no one knew of, debut so quickly? It had left a scar on the boy, a scar that, Massu figures, developed into a complex. A need for everyone to acknowledge him--even his own groupmates--especially his own groupmates. It had been easy enough, trial and error really. If this doesn't make people like him, then maybe that will. And after every success comes a pat on the back--and a loss of his self.
What he sees in Shige is bitterness. After every comment, every jab. Sure, Shige plays along, brushes it off like it's nothing, tries extra hard to be noticed. But whenever the group starts to chime his name in every phrase of a song, Shige's smile grows a little wider and a little faker. It's a sad reminder that half the audience might not have known his name before this moment. Massu thinks that the bitterness is seeping in too deep, that Shige is starting to believe these words as well.
Koyama is probably the worst off. Massu is pretty sure Koyama sees it too, perhaps not as well as he does, but enough to know that something is wrong. And being the oldest, he feels a sense of responsibility, a need to make things better again. But sometimes it isn't enough, member-ai isn't enough. In fact, Massu thinks it might make things worse when Koyama charges head first into the fray, playing up his goofy mask to try and ease the tension in the room. Of course, the members of NewS all play their respective parts, sometimes to gross aggrandizements of their broadcasted selves. Ryo snorts, Shige rolls his eyes, Tegoshi joins Koyama, and Yamapi laughs and everything is okay again. Even Massu can't help but smile before turning away--it's become second nature.
Massu sees a lot of things.
It's just a shame that no one ever bothers to ask him about them.
"Massu! What would Shige want for his birthday?" Tegoshi asks suddenly, catching Massu off guard. He blinks and turns towards the younger boy.
"E-eh?"
"Shige's birthday," Tegoshi explains with an impatient wave of his hands, "It's on the 11th right? I don't know what to get him."
"Er, oh," Massu replies, scratching the back of his head. He hadn't put much thought into it yet, really. Especially because of the fact that there's a certain other day that comes a few days before Shige's birthday. A day that's just a little important. Massu shrugs.
"Don't know I guess--why do you ask?"
"Well, I figure cause you know Shige better..."
Massu blinks, "You remember that Shige never wore anything that I gave him."
"Right." Tegoshi pauses, pursing his lips into a pout before fluttering off to Koyama, who had just entered the room.
...
"Weird," Shige mutters to himself, fascinated, "why do they call it cat's cradle?"
"Shige, are you listening?!"
Shige ignores Massu's pleas for attention and continues to stare at his hands, laced with yellow string. "No cat, no cradle. So then why?"
"I am getting you a pair of scissor for your birthday." Massu deadpans.
Shige stares suspiciously at him, clutching his "cat's cradle" to his chest, "You've been spending some time with Ryo, haven't you?"
"Actually, we met coincidentally at the cafe near the station. We ended up having lunch together. It was nice--but that's beside the point!"
"Okay, okay," Shige sighs, setting the string down reluctantly, "what are you talking about again?"
"Tegoshi."
"Okay," Shige pauses, "so what else is new?"
"And you."
"Uhm, what?"
"He keeps asking me what he should get you for your birthday when, I mean, it's not like I'm so fixated on it, but my birthday is before yours and--I dunno, I feel kind of, uhm, I kind of hate you for it."
"I'm sure it's only because Tegoshi's already had your gift picked out since--last year, he's like that you know. With you, anyway."
Massu pouts and doesn't look convinced. Shige grins and pats him on the shoulder.
"Thanks Shige, I knew I could count on you. You're the one I've known for the longest, ne?" Massu says, smiling at last.
He rests his chin on Shige's shoulder, staring curiously at the younger boy's hands, "So how do you play this again--"
"Tegoshi."
"Y-yes?!" Tegoshi squeaks, jumping a little at the sound of Ryo's voice.
"Did you find Massu yet?"
Tegoshi fidgets a little, eyes the slightly ajar dressing room door, and shakes his head, "N-no, I didn't find him yet."
"That guy, always late." Ryo grumbles, continuing down the hallway.
Tegoshi frowns a little, feels guilty for having intruded upon a moment that he shouldn't have, feels something else, a strange tightening in his chest.
-
"Morning Massu!"
"Morning Shi--" Massu pauses, "Tegoshi?"
"Yes!"
"Why...are you wearing Shige's glasses?"
"Eh, Shige always looks so cool in his glasses, I wanted to try it too!"
Massu blinks, twitches a little, "Oh."
There is a sudden crash and a cry of, "Okay, who stole my glasses!?" from the bathroom. Massu gives Tegoshi an odd look and Tegoshi only grins guiltily back in response.
-
When Shige enters the dressing room the next day, he immediately notices something off. First of all, Massu is on time. And second of all, Massu and Tegoshi are on opposite sides of the room, not sitting in their own little corner, giggling like school girls. Massu and Tegoshi. Not together. Does not compute.
...
"We too are stardust." Shige says, placing his open book face down on his lap and leaning back on his hands.
"Stardust? What's that?" Massu asks drowsily, rousing into consciousness and squinting up at Shige from his position, sprawled onto the grass, "Can you eat it?"
Shige rolls his eyes, "No, stardust.
...
"Shige's so smart," Massu says lightly, rolling onto his side and cushioning his head with his forearm, "Makes me wish I wasn't too dumb for college."
Shige frowns, "You are not dumb."
Massu "hm"s lightly, not really disagreeing, but not quite agreeing either.
...
"I, for one, am glad I was put in NewS."
Massu gives a small snort of disbelief and Shige gives a small smile.
"I'm glad that I had the chance to work with you."
Massu sighs and throws an arm over his eyes. "How am I supposed to stay upset when you say things like that?" He sighs, but there's a definite beginning of a smile on his lips.
"You're not?" Shige replies helpfully.
Massu returns the look and pouts a little, "Fine, but when I stop being cute enough for tv, you're taking care of me in your fancy lawyer mansion."
"Doesn't that mean I'll never have to take care of you?" Shige asks wryly, lowering himself onto the grass next to Massu. Shige gives him a sidelong glance before tugging on his hair a little. Massu's mouth twitches a little, before he's smiling, laughing, teeth gleaming and eyes squinting.
And Shige is suddenly certain that even if everyone else in the world is made of stardust, Masuda Takahisa is probably made of nothing but the sun--bright, everlasting, warm.
This must have been for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aoimidori, the only other brave soul I know to ever brave the horror that is the gachibaka drama, tegomass or not.
i. Between them it's never been a problem of not knowing enough; possibly it's always been the opposite. Knowing too much. It was hard not to when they were such polar opposites. Antithesis.
...
"Stupid," he says later, pressing a cold drink against Kouta's cheek. Kouta winces at the pressure on his slowly bruising skin, glances up warily from where he's sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Minoru is looking straight ahead.
"Maybe," Kouta says, reaches a hand up to the can but doesn't take it. Minoru doesn't let go.
They stay until long after the sun sets, and if their fingertips brush softly against each other, neither of them says a word about it.
...
"Stupid," Minoru whispers harshly, out of breath and leaning against the archway of the door for support. Kouta starts, surprised, turns his head as best he can without aggravating his injuries.
"Maybe."
Minoru looks up with furrowed eyebrows and he looks furious, worried, tired. He stumbles into the room finally and collapses onto the chair next to the bed. He sucks in a sharp, shuddering breath and stares at the floor, hands clenched tightly over his lap. "You're so stupid."
"I know." Kouta smiles slightly.
This was from, I think, some meme where you were supposed to write hurt/comfort fic between characters A and B.
"Maki-chan?" Shun calls out hesitantly, knocking lightly on the slightly ajar dressing room. Shun frowns a little upon hearing a strangled gasp, before opening the door and poking his head into the room. Maki is sitting by her dresser mirror, thoroughly engrossed in the newspaper in her hands.
"Ma-ki-chan." Shun tries again, padding over to the younger actress. Maki jumps a little, startled, and looks up at him with wide, innocent eyes, as if she had just now realized he had entered the room.
"O-Oh, Oguri-kun," Maki greets finally, still getting over her surprise. She hastily stows the newspaper into her bag and stands, smiling widely. "Is there something you need?"
"The light was on in your dressing room so I was wondering if you had just left it on by accident," He pauses, unnerved for some reason, "Is everything okay? We're done filming for today."
She nods, "Un--I was just about to leave."
Maki turns to gather her belongings when Shun catches her arm. She blinks and glances at him over her shoulder, "Ano..."
"Your eyes are red." He says flatly, finally realizing what had been bothering him about her since he had first entered the room. Maki laughs, "What are you talking about--"
"What were you reading before?" He demands, still keeping a hold on her arm.
"Nothing," She says, frowning a bit, "Oguri-kun that hurts."
"Sorry," Shun says blandly, before marching over to her bag and pulling out the newspaper she had previously been reading, despite her protests. He sighs; his suspicions had been correct.
...
"There are flowers in your hair." He whispers, noticing the stray petals that hadn't come out since their last outdoor scene.
"Oh." Is all she can manage to say, hands clenched in her lap. Before he knows what he's doing, Shun leans forward to pick them out of her hair, unclenches her fists and lays them in her bare, white hands. And he's close, so close to her, but she's also young, so young--too young.
He presses a kiss into her hair
...
This was something I ficced totinyangl for her own JE mental institution au.
Don't turn off the lights.
Maki learns the second rule the hard way. It's late and she's started the first of her nightly rounds. It's not exactly in her job description, but she wants to make sure that everyone in Ward F is safe and sound in their own rooms. She passes by Ryo's room and pauses by the door, hearing him muttering under his breath. Stuff like "sexy" and "Osaka" and something that Maki vaguely hears as "Uchi", but she's not too sure what that means. She shrugs and moves on, past Shige--and Wagahai's--room. The lamp is on and Maki is pretty sure he's--they're?--going to be reading on till odd hours of the night. Cats are nocturnal, after all.
The light is on in the next room, which catches her attention. She's surprised that Tegoshi and Massu are still up at such an hour. She carefully opens the door to their room and peeks her head in, finds them both sprawled asleep onto the bed, Tegoshi's head resting on the crook of Massu's neck, Massu's hand tightly wrapped around Tegoshi's, the blanket tucked up to their shoulders. Maki smiles at the sight, can't help but forget for a second that something is wrong, because how could anything be wrong with these two when they look so content, blissful in sleep and unconsciousness.
Maki turns off the lights and pads out of the room quietly. She makes it halfway down the hall before there's a sudden earsplitting shriek from one of the rooms. The clipboard clatters to the floor and Maki runs as fast as she can, heart leaping into her throat as she realizes it's coming from Tegoshi and Massu's room. She throws the door open and searches blindly in the darkness for them, for the light switch.
"T-Tegoshi-kun? Masuda-kun? W-what's the matter?!"
"Maki-chan!?" Tegoshi yells over Massu's constant shrieking. There is a scuffle and it sounds like things are thrown to the ground.
"Turn on the light!" Tegoshi cries, inbetween what sounds like soothing whispers to keep Massu calm.
"What? I can't--I'm looking, but--"
"Turn on the light, Maki-chan!" Tegoshi cries desperately.
"What's wrong--"
"TURN ON THE LIGHTS."
Maki's fingers finally stumble over the switch and the room is bathed in a neon yellow glow. Maki opens her mouth to speak, but can't manage it, eyes wide. Massu is on the floor, head on his knees and arms wrapped tightly around his legs, rocking back and forth slowly. The room is a total mess, but Tegoshi ignores it all, crouches down in front of Massu and places his hands on top of his shoulders.
"Massu," Tegoshi whispers, and Massu slowly lifts his face, staring up at Tegoshi with bright, wet eyes, swollen red and blotchy.
"T-Tegoshi?" he whispers, and Tegoshi nods, biting his lip.
"Mm, Tegoshi," Tegoshi affirms, leaning to touch their foreheads together.
"You're alive?" Massu asks, tears pooling down his cheeks, moving away and bringing hesitant hands up to cup Tegoshi's face.
"Mm, alive."
"You're hurt," Massu says, noticing the swelling on Tegoshi's right cheek. He rubs at it gently and Tegoshi tries his hardest not to wince at the pressure. "They hurt you."
"...They hurt me. But it's okay. I'm okay."
"Alive," Massu whispers.
"Alive," Tegoshi breathes, nodding, his own tears threatening to spill as he lifts his hands and places them over Massu's cheeks, thumbing away his tears.
Maki finds herself stumbling back out of the room, shaking her head, still trembling. She bumps into something soft and starts, finds herself looking Toma in the eye.
"What are you doing here, Maki-chan?" he asks, voice light but eyes like steel.
"I was just--I wanted to check--" Maki stammers, and Toma sighs because he knows Maki's heart is in the right place--just thinks that maybe Maki herself isn't in the right place. It takes a lot more to be able to stay alive here. Stay sane.
"They probably didn't expect you to be here so late, didn't think to tell you. But when Tegoshi and Masuda--when they were--they were in the dark," Toma pauses, eyebrows furrowing, "for a long time. It's generally an unspoken rule of thumb here, but--"
Maki swallows painfully, glancing at two silent figure in the middle of the lit room, unable to keep herself from shivering, even in the warmth of the building.
"Don't turn off the lights," Toma mutters, averting his gaze.
Don't turn off the lights.
It becomes another part of Maki's internal mantra in J&A MI.
Don't forget yourself.
Don't forget your place.
Don't get too close.
Don't lose yourself.
Don't separate them.
Don't turn off the lights.
Don't turn off the lights.
I am pretty sure this was prompted bycalledinvain.
Shinoyama-sensei tells her that she can take a quick break before they shoot the rest of the film and Maki sighs in relief and stretches as much as she can in the constricting--though gorgeous--dress. She's not used to frowning so much lately. Maki glances over to the full length mirror off to the side and puffs her cheeks before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Her giggles are instantly halted when she suddenly hears an echo and Maki gapes at the reflection of her two bandmates, waving cheerfully at her from the other side of the room.
"Maki-chan!" Tegoshi exclaims, bounding over cheerfully as Maki continues to stare, eyes wide. Massu follows after, keeping a firm hand on the collar of Tegoshi's shirt to keep him from leaping into Maki's lap or something. That probably wouldn't go over very well with the designer.
"What are you both doing here?!" Maki hisses frantically, afraid that they'll get in trouble. She's not even sure how the two managed to sneak their way into Shinoyama-sensei's personal studio, but figures it probably had something to do wih Tegoshi's eyes and Massu's pout.
"We came to see how you were doing--" Tegoshi trails off, and his eyes are doing that wibbly thing they always do whenever he wants something. But Maki steels herself and resists the urge to give in immediately and buy him something shiny, because now is neither the time nor the place. (And really, Maki thinks, Massu ought to teach her something about tolerance some time--she only makes so much money working in Johnny's, after all.)
"How did you both even--you'll get in trouble if you're caught!" Maki whispers desperately, glancing over at the door to see if anyone else is in the area. They are thankfully alone. Tegoshi snorts and seats himself next to Maki, resting his head upon her shoulder.
"Relax, we'll leave soon. It's just that--" Maki looks
...
This was also supposed to be foramaikoryori but sadly it never got finished. :(
Shige finds it hard to concentrate during drama filming recently. It's not from lack of trying, though, not in the least. In fact, it's just the opposite. Shige hasn't had a lot of opportunities to act, so whenever he does get the chance, he completely immerses himself into his character. No longer is he Kato Shigeaki. He becomes Hasegawa Ken. Shimizu Kota. Osugi Kenta. And really, this shouldn't be a problem--except for the fact that Osugi Kenta is head over heels in love with Kawahara Koume. And as Shige is Osugi Kenta--
"Kato-kun!" Yui calls, all cheerful and energetic smiles. Shige melts.
...
"So how's Tegoshi-kun?" She suddenly asks. Shige chokes on his drink.
"You guys are in the same group, right? N--Ne--?"
"NewS," Shige clarifies, pounding on his chest and secretly thankful she hadn't noticed.
"Right," She knocks on her head, "I was flipping through a magazine recently and saw your group's photoshoot."
Shige feels his face turn scarlet before she adds, "I was so surprised! Tegoshi has really matured in these past years--he lost his chubby cheeks!"
Shige twitches, he's used to not being the center of attention, really. He's used to everyone crowing over Yamapi, or Ryo, and more recently, Tegoshi. But
...
***I am a little sad I apparently didn't save a later draft of this so I am adding that in the end Yui was supposed to insinuate that Tegoshi is gay (for Massu) and Shige actually wins.
This was supposed to be fordalampasigan, but, like the above, it just never finished itself. :(
"Hey Erika, you think I could borrow Nishikido for a night or something?" Keiko asks suddenly, closing the newspaper in her hands with a grimace. Erika looks up from idly flicking through her magazine and Emi stops blowing on her drying nails.
"What would you need with Nishikido?" Emi asks, eyebrows raised. "You have a boyfriend."
"Yeah," Keiko replies, looking slightly distressed. "I know. But somehow word got out that I used to go to high school with Takahisa, and the tabloids are starting to speculate and he's getting worried, so I figure if I can distract them I--" A pause. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks defensively.
Emi and Erika share a smug look, before sighing dramatically. "Takahisa."
"Shut up, I do not sound like that," Keiko mutters. Erika laughs and tosses her phone over.
"You can do whatever you want with that idiot."
"Trouble with the on-again-off-again
...
***My favorite part of this would have been Keiko saying she can't find Ryo's name under "N" and Erika replying she should look under "F" for "Fucking Idiot" or something to that extent. And also a line about Sato Megumi and Yokoyama Yu not having any scandals because they're too ninja about it (and mostly stay inside watching dramas). I surprisingly remember a lot about these unfinished things, huh.
in some kind of chronological order, maybe. starting from about spring 2007 - winter 2008, probably? ellipses added where the writing breaks off.
and yes--i think that is about it.
well, maybe.
"Good news! You are going to debut!" Johnny-san says in that peculiar and succinct manner of his. There is a squeak from the general direction of Uchi and Ryo.
Yamapi doesn't seem too pleased, probably imagined debuting with Toma, Hasegawa, and Kazama. He's a little awkward, but he quickly takes up his role as leader and smiles shyly to the rest of his bandmates, "Well, maybe we should go have dinner to celebrate?"
Truth be told Tegoshi still feels rather uncomfortable with most of the members of NewS. Not that they aren't all amazing people, but Tegoshi is still new and awfully shy and isn't quite used to being around such respected seniors. He's a little more comfortable with the--former--members of KKK with their weekly appearance on YA3 but as nice as they are, they've already formed a rather tight bond that Tegoshi isn't a part of. But Tegoshi is comforted by the fact that at least Massu is with him, at least Massu will be there. Because out of everyone in NewS, heck, everyone in Jyanni's, Massu is the one he's known for the longest and feels the most comfortable around. Yes, at the very least, Massu will be there.
"Sorry, tell the other I can't go." Massu's voice interrupts Tegoshi's inner monologue.
"E-eh?" Tegoshi asks unintelligibly as he watches Massu click his phone shut.
"My mom already cooked." He says, looking slightly apologetic,
...
"Do you want to come over for dinner?"
...
Tegoshi has never understood the expression "getting up on the wrong side of the bed," not really. He's always naturally assumed that everyone in the world had their beds placed against the wall, just like him. And if that is the case, then surely there is only ever one side of the bed to "get up" on. Even though he could understand the metaphor for what it was supposed to mean, Tegoshi just doesn't get why they happened to choose this particular way of phrasing it.
But today, as Tegoshi gets up, brushes his teeth, styles his hair, and has breakfast before heading off to work as usual, he finally seems to understand. Because today, for some reason unbeknownst to him, Tegoshi is feeling quite awful. Ridiculously so. Almost as ridiculous as the notion that one could get up on a wrong side of a bed.
It isn't awful so much as in the way one might feel when sick, though. That Tegoshi would understand. It's something he can't quite describe. Like some dreadful gnawing feeling, twisting and turning inside of him until even his head actually begins to physically hurt. In short, Tegoshi is not happy.
And it doesn't help that he has to go to work at such an ungodly hour, either.
-
Tegoshi enters the dressing room and nods at a sleepy grunt aimed his way by Ryo, who is currently trying to look both awake and fearsome and not quite succeeding at either. Koyama blinks sleepily from the couch, where Shige is leaning against him, dead asleep. None of them seem to have woken up on the right side of the bed--and this, for some odd reason, pleases Tegoshi. Because no one should feel so happy when Tegoshi is not happy. Especially at nearly six freaking am in the morning. It's petty reasoning, really, but Tegoshi doesn't find it in him to care very much.
The door opens ten minutes later, just as Tegoshi is placing down his bags and Massu enters with a big grin plastered on his face and a bag of steaming nikuman.
"You're four minutes to almost being late." Ryo growls as Massu passes by him.
"Or I'm four minutes to right on time," Massu says cheerfully, offering the Osaka man the bag, "nikuman?"
Ryo blinks and frowns but takes the offered treat anyway, having been unable to eat anything before catching the bullet train.
...
"Nikuman?" Massu asks, smiling through a mouthful of the snack. Tegoshi twitches, glares, and storms off towards the bathroom, slamming the door for good measure. The noise makes Shige bolt awake, causing Koyama to tumble off the couch and Ryo to snort with amusement. Shige blinks, assesses the situation in all of five seconds, and then gives Massu an accusing glance.
"What did you do?"
Tegoshi can't hear Massu's reply through the closed door, but figures that he's most likely smiling.
Bastard.
-
Yamapi enters an hour later as the rest of them are stretching, having an excuse to be late since he has drama filming right before and right after this practice. Tegoshi thinks Yamapi is amazing for his total dedication to both his singing and acting career. Tegoshi also thinks that something is positively off with their dance. And Tegoshi thinks that it's probably him just as he trips over his own feet and collides into Ryo, who stumbles into Yamapi, who knocks Koyama over, until they're all a jumble of limbs lying on top of Shige, who had the unfortunate pleasure of breaking their fall.
Shige sighs at his bad luck, or would, if he could breathe at all. Massu coughs from where he has been observing from the side.
"Maybe a break is in order?" Massu asks with a laugh.
"That sounds like a good idea." Ryo grunts painfully, as someone's knee is currently digging into his spine. Yamapi nods in agreement and begins to disentangle himself from 5/6 of NewS. Koyama wonders aloud if this could count as some sort of member ai. Shige manages enough strength to hit him--with someone else's arm. When NewS finally becomes six individuals again--as opposed to one individual and a blob of boy band pretty--Tegoshi escapes to a corner of the room and sits with his knees to his chest, eyes closed and hands over his face. Even if he's not feeling up to par, Tegoshi can't let it affect his work--he's too much of a professional for that. He's about to get up and practice a bit on his own before the break ends when there's a sudden cold pressure on his forehead. Tegoshi opens his eyes and comes face to face with Massu's smile.
Massu dangles the cold water bottle in front of Tegoshi's face. It's a familiar gesture, something that Massu usually does when he thinks that Tegoshi is upset. Usually it's enough to make Tegoshi feel better. But today Tegoshi just kind of wants to hit him, but restrains himself if only for the fact that Tegoshi is certain he knows who'll come out worse off in the end. And that person isn't smiling right now.
...
"You can't be happy all the time." Tegoshi finally snaps, hands balled at his sides and fingernails digging deep into his palms. Massu looks startled for a moment, before nodding.
"You're right, I'm not happy all the time." And his voice is so calm that Tegoshi staggers back a little, ashamed and guilt ridden. Massu steps forward, pursing his lips slightly.
"I'm not happy when Tegoshi's not happy," he says gently, lifting the other boy's chin to look straight into his eyes, "so tell me what's wrong."
And Tegoshi doesn't even realize he's crying until he feels Massu wipe at his cheek with his thumb. He looks at Massu through now blurry eyes to find him unsmiling, but not exactly frowning, lips set in a soft line. And this realization makes Tegoshi cry even harder, tears rolling down his cheeks
He launches himself forward, straight into Massu's unexpecting arms. Massu is surprised first, before bringing his arms around the younger boy and rubbing soothing circles on his back. And Tegoshi continues to cry into Massu's chest, asking how they could do that to Uchi and Kusano and what will happen to NewS now and can this really be their last concert as a group and will they ever reform and Massu continues to rub Tegoshi's back, though he can't quite catch the words muffled in his shirt.
...
Yes, it was inspired by that Avril Lavigne song. (I blame Cartoon KAT-TUN.)
It's hard when your best friend of so many years gets himself a girlfriend and doesn't have as much time to spend with you.
It's probably harder when you're probably in love with said best friend too.
It's even worse when you're both boys.
And this is the predicament is exactly where Tegoshi Yuya found himself in.
...
"I don't like your girlfriend."
...
It's been twelve days since Massu last saw Tegoshi--not that he was counting, of course not.
...
"You're not happy." Eri says suddenly, causing Massu to choke on his drink.
"E-eh?" He glances up sharply at her but she avoids his gaze, staring at a spot on the table while aimlessly twirling her straw between her fingers.
"You haven't been happy in a long time." She says again, this time very softly.
"What do you mean?" He asks, frowning at her strange behavior, "Of course I'm happy, I'm with y--"
"Takahisa," she raises her eyes to finally meet his, "I know what I'm saying is correct. Because Takahisa is the person I hold closest to my heart right now...and because of that I know that I'm not and can never be the same person for you."
"Eri."
...
"Are we breaking up?" he asks finally, a dull buzz in his heart.
...
"I really do like you." He says softly, curling his hands on the table.
"I know," she smiles sadly, "but that just makes it hurts a little more."
They finish their drinks in silence and split the check. When it's time to leave they part in front of the cafe, despite Massu's offer to walk her home--which she declines very politely. She leaves him with a sad smile and a slight wave before turning on her way home. Massu watches until she's barely recognizable, a bittersweet emptiness in his heart.
-
There is a knock at Tegoshi's door--three sharp raps against hard wood. Tegoshi rolls his eyes as he looks up from his homework, the noise still audible through the music pounding through his headphones.
"I said I wasn't hungry right now, mom!" he yells before going back to work, turning the volume up higher and frowning in dismay when he realizes that it's already on full. The knocks continue, harder and almost frantic. Tegoshi sighs before taking off his headphones and rolling off his bed to unlock and open the door.
"I said--" he pauses and blinks and wonders when he fell asleep when he sees Massu standing in the doorway, looking lost and blank.
"M-Massu?" he asks cautiously, pinching himself for good measure to make sure that he's awake. The other boy nods and Tegoshi can't help but blink again, before he remembers that he's not--or shouldn't be--happy to see Massu. Not at all, not even one bit.
"Where's Eri?" He asks, almost keeping all the bitterness out of his voice.
"We broke up."
"Oh," Tegoshi falters, not expecting such a revelation. "I'm sorry." He says, even though they both know he's really not.
"So now what?" Tegoshi asks after a moment--neither he nor Massu has moved since the beginning.
"I don't know." Massu says, bringing his tired eyes to meet Tegoshi's finally.
...
So Tegoshi does the only thing he can think to do and brings his arms around the older boys shoulders, bringing him into a tight embrace.
...
"Aren't you tired?" Massu blurts out, startled.
"Aren't you," Tegoshi replies calmly. And there's something so heavy in his gaze that Massu can't keep it, turns his head and mutters about needing a shower.
When he comes out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, the lights are off. Massu stumbles into bed and falls into an exhausted sleep.
...
And when Tegoshi leans in and presses his mouth lightly against his, Massu does what he does best.
He runs.
Steps back and shakes his head, one foot in front of the other, out the door, out the hotel, into the stifling cold of the night and past past past everything and everyone till everything's just a blur and Massu runs and keeps running until he can hardly even stand.
He collapses onto the grass, hardly aware of anything except the numbness in his legs and his chest. He shuts his eyes and hates it that he can still taste cherry on his tongue.
...
"Did you hate it?"
"...No."
"Then what are you running from?"
"I--don't know."
"Then maybe you should stop running."
"I'm not running anymore, am I."
"No, no you're not."
...
Massu doesn't know exactly when it is he realizes that he's fallen in love with Tegoshi. He doesn't think such a thing can be traced to one specific event, one specific circumstance, really. But Massu figures that it probably happened sometime between Miso Soup and Hoshi wo Mezashite. The realization, anyway. The actual falling in love part had probably taken place much earlier, somewhere inbetween "Massu" and the crooked teeth and the bad hair and worse clothes and when smiling upon just the sight of Tegoshi had become reflex.
But he finds he's not altogether too surprised at the realization either, not really. After all,
...
Massu's not too surprised when Shige finds out about his feelings; Shige's always been the smart one, after all. Though, he muses, it probably wasn't all that hard to figure out. Massu tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, emotions painted across his face as clear as the sky is blue. It's why he probably doesn't get too much drama work. But Massu thinks everyone in the group probably knows, or at least suspects, something. Everyone except Tegoshi. Self-centered with no ill intentions indeed. But it's okay, because Tegoshi wouldn't be Tegoshi otherwise. And Massu wouldn't have Tegoshi any other way.
Massu is surprised, however, when Shige says something about it. Shige, the one that usually
"Don't you ever wish it was something more?" Shige blurts out suddenly when it's just the two of them lazing around Massu's room. Massu, unsure of the context, only blinks in response.
"Huh?"
"Tegoshi."
"What about him?"
Shige sighs. "You love him?"
"Oh." Massu pauses."Yeah."
...
"Shige yelled at me today," Tegoshi says, swinging his legs absently off the edge of Massu's bed. Massu "hms" lightly, flicking through the pages of the magazine in his hands, leaning his back against the wall.
"What, he didn't like your latest rendition of Shige no Namida?"
"That too," Tegoshi giggles softly. "He said that I--should stop being such a
...
Actually--I think this is finished. Hm.
Massu sees a lot of things.
He sees contempt written all over Ryo's face everytime NewS is together--it's fleeting and almost indistinguishable from the regular facade he likes to put up when in the presence of NewS, but it's there as clear as daylight in Massu's eyes. It's been there since the formation of NewS, really. Because Ryo has Kanjani8, has had them from the beginning, before Johnny-san had decided to create--and debut--NewS on a whim. Ryo is happier with Kanjani8, this is also very clear to Massu. Despite what he says these days, Kanjani8 has and always will be first in his heart, it's obvious in the way he acts--or doesn't have to act so hard with them. And it's understandable, time breeds familiarity, familiarity breeds comfort. Uchi had been comfortable. Uchi had been the reason Ryo had stopped hating NewS--started liking it, even. Then Uchi had gotten suspended, and Ryo had been left with not one, but two incomplete groups. Massu thinks that the contempt isn't really directed at NewS though, it's directed at himself. Because maybe, just maybe, Ryo might have been able to stop it from happening.
Yamapi is in the same boat in some respects, except what Massu sees on his face is more akin to regret--or maybe fear. Yamapi is basically the poster boy for Johnny's Entertainment. He had been with The Shounen Club from it's very first episode, back when he had been in Four Tops with Toma, Jun, and Shunsuke. It's no secret that Yamapi could not possibly have been pleased witht he conception of NewS. As a temporary group, maybe, but when they had debuted and Yamapi was in NewS for good, Four Tops had indefinitely crumbled. Because despite his protests, Yamapi had been the pillar of Four Tops, the leader, and what kind of leader abandons his group? It's why, Massu thinks, that even though Yamapi puts on the air of being the leader of NewS, he never actually permits himself any sort of power. He's too afraid of leading them astray, too afraid of ruining yet another group.
Tegoshi's the easiest to see through, despite the fact that he can act so well--or perhaps because of that very fact. It's because he had only been a junior for a few months before getting pushed into the limelight. Yes, he had the talent, but he hadn't had the time, because time breeds comfort. NewS's own members were not the only ones that had been upset by the sudden formation--the fans had been too. How could Johnny-san pick apart thre beloved groups and form a new group so haphazardly? How could this boy that no one knew of, debut so quickly? It had left a scar on the boy, a scar that, Massu figures, developed into a complex. A need for everyone to acknowledge him--even his own groupmates--especially his own groupmates. It had been easy enough, trial and error really. If this doesn't make people like him, then maybe that will. And after every success comes a pat on the back--and a loss of his self.
What he sees in Shige is bitterness. After every comment, every jab. Sure, Shige plays along, brushes it off like it's nothing, tries extra hard to be noticed. But whenever the group starts to chime his name in every phrase of a song, Shige's smile grows a little wider and a little faker. It's a sad reminder that half the audience might not have known his name before this moment. Massu thinks that the bitterness is seeping in too deep, that Shige is starting to believe these words as well.
Koyama is probably the worst off. Massu is pretty sure Koyama sees it too, perhaps not as well as he does, but enough to know that something is wrong. And being the oldest, he feels a sense of responsibility, a need to make things better again. But sometimes it isn't enough, member-ai isn't enough. In fact, Massu thinks it might make things worse when Koyama charges head first into the fray, playing up his goofy mask to try and ease the tension in the room. Of course, the members of NewS all play their respective parts, sometimes to gross aggrandizements of their broadcasted selves. Ryo snorts, Shige rolls his eyes, Tegoshi joins Koyama, and Yamapi laughs and everything is okay again. Even Massu can't help but smile before turning away--it's become second nature.
Massu sees a lot of things.
It's just a shame that no one ever bothers to ask him about them.
"Massu! What would Shige want for his birthday?" Tegoshi asks suddenly, catching Massu off guard. He blinks and turns towards the younger boy.
"E-eh?"
"Shige's birthday," Tegoshi explains with an impatient wave of his hands, "It's on the 11th right? I don't know what to get him."
"Er, oh," Massu replies, scratching the back of his head. He hadn't put much thought into it yet, really. Especially because of the fact that there's a certain other day that comes a few days before Shige's birthday. A day that's just a little important. Massu shrugs.
"Don't know I guess--why do you ask?"
"Well, I figure cause you know Shige better..."
Massu blinks, "You remember that Shige never wore anything that I gave him."
"Right." Tegoshi pauses, pursing his lips into a pout before fluttering off to Koyama, who had just entered the room.
...
"Weird," Shige mutters to himself, fascinated, "why do they call it cat's cradle?"
"Shige, are you listening?!"
Shige ignores Massu's pleas for attention and continues to stare at his hands, laced with yellow string. "No cat, no cradle. So then why?"
"I am getting you a pair of scissor for your birthday." Massu deadpans.
Shige stares suspiciously at him, clutching his "cat's cradle" to his chest, "You've been spending some time with Ryo, haven't you?"
"Actually, we met coincidentally at the cafe near the station. We ended up having lunch together. It was nice--but that's beside the point!"
"Okay, okay," Shige sighs, setting the string down reluctantly, "what are you talking about again?"
"Tegoshi."
"Okay," Shige pauses, "so what else is new?"
"And you."
"Uhm, what?"
"He keeps asking me what he should get you for your birthday when, I mean, it's not like I'm so fixated on it, but my birthday is before yours and--I dunno, I feel kind of, uhm, I kind of hate you for it."
"I'm sure it's only because Tegoshi's already had your gift picked out since--last year, he's like that you know. With you, anyway."
Massu pouts and doesn't look convinced. Shige grins and pats him on the shoulder.
"Thanks Shige, I knew I could count on you. You're the one I've known for the longest, ne?" Massu says, smiling at last.
He rests his chin on Shige's shoulder, staring curiously at the younger boy's hands, "So how do you play this again--"
"Tegoshi."
"Y-yes?!" Tegoshi squeaks, jumping a little at the sound of Ryo's voice.
"Did you find Massu yet?"
Tegoshi fidgets a little, eyes the slightly ajar dressing room door, and shakes his head, "N-no, I didn't find him yet."
"That guy, always late." Ryo grumbles, continuing down the hallway.
Tegoshi frowns a little, feels guilty for having intruded upon a moment that he shouldn't have, feels something else, a strange tightening in his chest.
-
"Morning Massu!"
"Morning Shi--" Massu pauses, "Tegoshi?"
"Yes!"
"Why...are you wearing Shige's glasses?"
"Eh, Shige always looks so cool in his glasses, I wanted to try it too!"
Massu blinks, twitches a little, "Oh."
There is a sudden crash and a cry of, "Okay, who stole my glasses!?" from the bathroom. Massu gives Tegoshi an odd look and Tegoshi only grins guiltily back in response.
-
When Shige enters the dressing room the next day, he immediately notices something off. First of all, Massu is on time. And second of all, Massu and Tegoshi are on opposite sides of the room, not sitting in their own little corner, giggling like school girls. Massu and Tegoshi. Not together. Does not compute.
...
"We too are stardust." Shige says, placing his open book face down on his lap and leaning back on his hands.
"Stardust? What's that?" Massu asks drowsily, rousing into consciousness and squinting up at Shige from his position, sprawled onto the grass, "Can you eat it?"
Shige rolls his eyes, "No, stardust.
...
"Shige's so smart," Massu says lightly, rolling onto his side and cushioning his head with his forearm, "Makes me wish I wasn't too dumb for college."
Shige frowns, "You are not dumb."
Massu "hm"s lightly, not really disagreeing, but not quite agreeing either.
...
"I, for one, am glad I was put in NewS."
Massu gives a small snort of disbelief and Shige gives a small smile.
"I'm glad that I had the chance to work with you."
Massu sighs and throws an arm over his eyes. "How am I supposed to stay upset when you say things like that?" He sighs, but there's a definite beginning of a smile on his lips.
"You're not?" Shige replies helpfully.
Massu returns the look and pouts a little, "Fine, but when I stop being cute enough for tv, you're taking care of me in your fancy lawyer mansion."
"Doesn't that mean I'll never have to take care of you?" Shige asks wryly, lowering himself onto the grass next to Massu. Shige gives him a sidelong glance before tugging on his hair a little. Massu's mouth twitches a little, before he's smiling, laughing, teeth gleaming and eyes squinting.
And Shige is suddenly certain that even if everyone else in the world is made of stardust, Masuda Takahisa is probably made of nothing but the sun--bright, everlasting, warm.
This must have been for
aoimidori, the only other brave soul I know to ever brave the horror that is the gachibaka drama, tegomass or not.i. Between them it's never been a problem of not knowing enough; possibly it's always been the opposite. Knowing too much. It was hard not to when they were such polar opposites. Antithesis.
...
"Stupid," he says later, pressing a cold drink against Kouta's cheek. Kouta winces at the pressure on his slowly bruising skin, glances up warily from where he's sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Minoru is looking straight ahead.
"Maybe," Kouta says, reaches a hand up to the can but doesn't take it. Minoru doesn't let go.
They stay until long after the sun sets, and if their fingertips brush softly against each other, neither of them says a word about it.
...
"Stupid," Minoru whispers harshly, out of breath and leaning against the archway of the door for support. Kouta starts, surprised, turns his head as best he can without aggravating his injuries.
"Maybe."
Minoru looks up with furrowed eyebrows and he looks furious, worried, tired. He stumbles into the room finally and collapses onto the chair next to the bed. He sucks in a sharp, shuddering breath and stares at the floor, hands clenched tightly over his lap. "You're so stupid."
"I know." Kouta smiles slightly.
This was from, I think, some meme where you were supposed to write hurt/comfort fic between characters A and B.
"Maki-chan?" Shun calls out hesitantly, knocking lightly on the slightly ajar dressing room. Shun frowns a little upon hearing a strangled gasp, before opening the door and poking his head into the room. Maki is sitting by her dresser mirror, thoroughly engrossed in the newspaper in her hands.
"Ma-ki-chan." Shun tries again, padding over to the younger actress. Maki jumps a little, startled, and looks up at him with wide, innocent eyes, as if she had just now realized he had entered the room.
"O-Oh, Oguri-kun," Maki greets finally, still getting over her surprise. She hastily stows the newspaper into her bag and stands, smiling widely. "Is there something you need?"
"The light was on in your dressing room so I was wondering if you had just left it on by accident," He pauses, unnerved for some reason, "Is everything okay? We're done filming for today."
She nods, "Un--I was just about to leave."
Maki turns to gather her belongings when Shun catches her arm. She blinks and glances at him over her shoulder, "Ano..."
"Your eyes are red." He says flatly, finally realizing what had been bothering him about her since he had first entered the room. Maki laughs, "What are you talking about--"
"What were you reading before?" He demands, still keeping a hold on her arm.
"Nothing," She says, frowning a bit, "Oguri-kun that hurts."
"Sorry," Shun says blandly, before marching over to her bag and pulling out the newspaper she had previously been reading, despite her protests. He sighs; his suspicions had been correct.
...
"There are flowers in your hair." He whispers, noticing the stray petals that hadn't come out since their last outdoor scene.
"Oh." Is all she can manage to say, hands clenched in her lap. Before he knows what he's doing, Shun leans forward to pick them out of her hair, unclenches her fists and lays them in her bare, white hands. And he's close, so close to her, but she's also young, so young--too young.
He presses a kiss into her hair
...
This was something I ficced to
tinyangl for her own JE mental institution au.Don't turn off the lights.
Maki learns the second rule the hard way. It's late and she's started the first of her nightly rounds. It's not exactly in her job description, but she wants to make sure that everyone in Ward F is safe and sound in their own rooms. She passes by Ryo's room and pauses by the door, hearing him muttering under his breath. Stuff like "sexy" and "Osaka" and something that Maki vaguely hears as "Uchi", but she's not too sure what that means. She shrugs and moves on, past Shige--and Wagahai's--room. The lamp is on and Maki is pretty sure he's--they're?--going to be reading on till odd hours of the night. Cats are nocturnal, after all.
The light is on in the next room, which catches her attention. She's surprised that Tegoshi and Massu are still up at such an hour. She carefully opens the door to their room and peeks her head in, finds them both sprawled asleep onto the bed, Tegoshi's head resting on the crook of Massu's neck, Massu's hand tightly wrapped around Tegoshi's, the blanket tucked up to their shoulders. Maki smiles at the sight, can't help but forget for a second that something is wrong, because how could anything be wrong with these two when they look so content, blissful in sleep and unconsciousness.
Maki turns off the lights and pads out of the room quietly. She makes it halfway down the hall before there's a sudden earsplitting shriek from one of the rooms. The clipboard clatters to the floor and Maki runs as fast as she can, heart leaping into her throat as she realizes it's coming from Tegoshi and Massu's room. She throws the door open and searches blindly in the darkness for them, for the light switch.
"T-Tegoshi-kun? Masuda-kun? W-what's the matter?!"
"Maki-chan!?" Tegoshi yells over Massu's constant shrieking. There is a scuffle and it sounds like things are thrown to the ground.
"Turn on the light!" Tegoshi cries, inbetween what sounds like soothing whispers to keep Massu calm.
"What? I can't--I'm looking, but--"
"Turn on the light, Maki-chan!" Tegoshi cries desperately.
"What's wrong--"
"TURN ON THE LIGHTS."
Maki's fingers finally stumble over the switch and the room is bathed in a neon yellow glow. Maki opens her mouth to speak, but can't manage it, eyes wide. Massu is on the floor, head on his knees and arms wrapped tightly around his legs, rocking back and forth slowly. The room is a total mess, but Tegoshi ignores it all, crouches down in front of Massu and places his hands on top of his shoulders.
"Massu," Tegoshi whispers, and Massu slowly lifts his face, staring up at Tegoshi with bright, wet eyes, swollen red and blotchy.
"T-Tegoshi?" he whispers, and Tegoshi nods, biting his lip.
"Mm, Tegoshi," Tegoshi affirms, leaning to touch their foreheads together.
"You're alive?" Massu asks, tears pooling down his cheeks, moving away and bringing hesitant hands up to cup Tegoshi's face.
"Mm, alive."
"You're hurt," Massu says, noticing the swelling on Tegoshi's right cheek. He rubs at it gently and Tegoshi tries his hardest not to wince at the pressure. "They hurt you."
"...They hurt me. But it's okay. I'm okay."
"Alive," Massu whispers.
"Alive," Tegoshi breathes, nodding, his own tears threatening to spill as he lifts his hands and places them over Massu's cheeks, thumbing away his tears.
Maki finds herself stumbling back out of the room, shaking her head, still trembling. She bumps into something soft and starts, finds herself looking Toma in the eye.
"What are you doing here, Maki-chan?" he asks, voice light but eyes like steel.
"I was just--I wanted to check--" Maki stammers, and Toma sighs because he knows Maki's heart is in the right place--just thinks that maybe Maki herself isn't in the right place. It takes a lot more to be able to stay alive here. Stay sane.
"They probably didn't expect you to be here so late, didn't think to tell you. But when Tegoshi and Masuda--when they were--they were in the dark," Toma pauses, eyebrows furrowing, "for a long time. It's generally an unspoken rule of thumb here, but--"
Maki swallows painfully, glancing at two silent figure in the middle of the lit room, unable to keep herself from shivering, even in the warmth of the building.
"Don't turn off the lights," Toma mutters, averting his gaze.
Don't turn off the lights.
It becomes another part of Maki's internal mantra in J&A MI.
Don't forget yourself.
Don't forget your place.
Don't get too close.
Don't lose yourself.
Don't separate them.
Don't turn off the lights.
Don't turn off the lights.
I am pretty sure this was prompted by
calledinvain.Shinoyama-sensei tells her that she can take a quick break before they shoot the rest of the film and Maki sighs in relief and stretches as much as she can in the constricting--though gorgeous--dress. She's not used to frowning so much lately. Maki glances over to the full length mirror off to the side and puffs her cheeks before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Her giggles are instantly halted when she suddenly hears an echo and Maki gapes at the reflection of her two bandmates, waving cheerfully at her from the other side of the room.
"Maki-chan!" Tegoshi exclaims, bounding over cheerfully as Maki continues to stare, eyes wide. Massu follows after, keeping a firm hand on the collar of Tegoshi's shirt to keep him from leaping into Maki's lap or something. That probably wouldn't go over very well with the designer.
"What are you both doing here?!" Maki hisses frantically, afraid that they'll get in trouble. She's not even sure how the two managed to sneak their way into Shinoyama-sensei's personal studio, but figures it probably had something to do wih Tegoshi's eyes and Massu's pout.
"We came to see how you were doing--" Tegoshi trails off, and his eyes are doing that wibbly thing they always do whenever he wants something. But Maki steels herself and resists the urge to give in immediately and buy him something shiny, because now is neither the time nor the place. (And really, Maki thinks, Massu ought to teach her something about tolerance some time--she only makes so much money working in Johnny's, after all.)
"How did you both even--you'll get in trouble if you're caught!" Maki whispers desperately, glancing over at the door to see if anyone else is in the area. They are thankfully alone. Tegoshi snorts and seats himself next to Maki, resting his head upon her shoulder.
"Relax, we'll leave soon. It's just that--" Maki looks
...
This was also supposed to be for
amaikoryori but sadly it never got finished. :(Shige finds it hard to concentrate during drama filming recently. It's not from lack of trying, though, not in the least. In fact, it's just the opposite. Shige hasn't had a lot of opportunities to act, so whenever he does get the chance, he completely immerses himself into his character. No longer is he Kato Shigeaki. He becomes Hasegawa Ken. Shimizu Kota. Osugi Kenta. And really, this shouldn't be a problem--except for the fact that Osugi Kenta is head over heels in love with Kawahara Koume. And as Shige is Osugi Kenta--
"Kato-kun!" Yui calls, all cheerful and energetic smiles. Shige melts.
...
"So how's Tegoshi-kun?" She suddenly asks. Shige chokes on his drink.
"You guys are in the same group, right? N--Ne--?"
"NewS," Shige clarifies, pounding on his chest and secretly thankful she hadn't noticed.
"Right," She knocks on her head, "I was flipping through a magazine recently and saw your group's photoshoot."
Shige feels his face turn scarlet before she adds, "I was so surprised! Tegoshi has really matured in these past years--he lost his chubby cheeks!"
Shige twitches, he's used to not being the center of attention, really. He's used to everyone crowing over Yamapi, or Ryo, and more recently, Tegoshi. But
...
***I am a little sad I apparently didn't save a later draft of this so I am adding that in the end Yui was supposed to insinuate that Tegoshi is gay (for Massu) and Shige actually wins.
This was supposed to be for
dalampasigan, but, like the above, it just never finished itself. :("Hey Erika, you think I could borrow Nishikido for a night or something?" Keiko asks suddenly, closing the newspaper in her hands with a grimace. Erika looks up from idly flicking through her magazine and Emi stops blowing on her drying nails.
"What would you need with Nishikido?" Emi asks, eyebrows raised. "You have a boyfriend."
"Yeah," Keiko replies, looking slightly distressed. "I know. But somehow word got out that I used to go to high school with Takahisa, and the tabloids are starting to speculate and he's getting worried, so I figure if I can distract them I--" A pause. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks defensively.
Emi and Erika share a smug look, before sighing dramatically. "Takahisa."
"Shut up, I do not sound like that," Keiko mutters. Erika laughs and tosses her phone over.
"You can do whatever you want with that idiot."
"Trouble with the on-again-off-again
...
***My favorite part of this would have been Keiko saying she can't find Ryo's name under "N" and Erika replying she should look under "F" for "Fucking Idiot" or something to that extent. And also a line about Sato Megumi and Yokoyama Yu not having any scandals because they're too ninja about it (and mostly stay inside watching dramas). I surprisingly remember a lot about these unfinished things, huh.
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Date: 2011-01-11 05:08 am (UTC)somehow when i read the small part for my tegomasumaki....i kinda missed them...hihihihi...
the one about massu was quite sad...
thanks again for posting this..xD
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Date: 2011-01-11 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-11 03:46 pm (UTC)/has so far only read the bit for me lolololl
I will wait FOREVER for you to finish it because Ryo NEEDS to be a Fucking Idiot. XDDD
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Date: 2011-01-11 10:38 pm (UTC)...but. it's here because i will probably never finish it. orz
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Date: 2011-02-26 04:49 pm (UTC)i like the 'massu sees a lot of things' the most
and i like your writing style >,<
btw, i wanna read more fics from you, i had checked on your fic list but the access is denied :(